You Cannot Change Anyone But Yourself

How many times have you failed trying to change others? How many times has someone else tried to change you? Changing other people is something we can’t do, no matter how hard we try.

We think changing others is as easy as telling someone to quit smoking. If they don’t want to stop, no matter how many times you tell them, then they won’t. Just take a look at yourself and ask yourself the question: Would you do something that you really don’t want to do?

You can’t change anyone, but you can be the reason that someone changes.

We don’t live in a virtual world where you can change the people around you. In the real world, there are two options: accept them or distance yourself from them. But at no point will there be an opportunity to change other people.

Don’t try to change others

To understand this concept a bit better, and because we’re so stubborn on this aspect, we’re going to share a lesson with you in the form of a story:

“A king ran through a stony city. He got angry and said, ‘I want you guys to kill all the cows and carpet the whole city!’ The wise men of the area all came together and said to him, ‘Your Highness, we have to kill ten thousand cows, tan all the leather, and in ten years we will have carpeted the whole kingdom so that the king won’t hurt himself.’ Then a jester came by and asked permission to speak. The king agreed and he said, ‘Why don’t we kill a cow, tan the leather, and make the king’s shoes?’ And the king learned that it was better to change yourself than change the entire city. “

Let’s think about what this story is trying to tell us. The king thought it was easy to change the whole city, so he never thought of other options. The same thing happens to us too. We always think that it is easier to change others than it is to change ourselves.

This is something we need to learn and start to see differently so that we don’t make the same mistakes. Changing others seems like the easiest option, much easier than changing ourselves. However , it is only possible to change ourselves and not others!

“Everyone thinks about changing the world, but nobody thinks about changing themselves.”

Leo Tolstoy

Accept others for who they are

Why can’t we just accept others for who they are instead of changing them? Sometimes you love someone so much that you want to change them so you don’t lose them. But do you actually know what that means? To change someone means that they are no longer themselves. You would take away his essence. If you really don’t feel comfortable with someone, if you don’t accept who they are and how they behave, then distance yourself from them!

It’s easy to say, but difficult to put into practice. Yes, you lose a lot of strength and energy trying to make a change that will never happen. But accepting people for who they are also takes a lot of energy, often more than we think. So we unconsciously try to change it.

How many times have you been angry with someone for not acting the way you would like them to? Think of romantic relationships, where this is mostly the case. They didn’t behave the way you wanted them to? Well, everyone is free to make their own choices. If you don’t like the way they act, why are you with them?

“In order for things to change, you have to change yourself. For things to get better, you have to get better. “

Jim Rohn

You can change, but only if you really want to. Imagine someone else asks you to change. He would say he no longer tolerates who you are, so you try to change, but you can’t. You can only do it if this idea comes from yourself.

Accept people for who they are and you will never think that changing others can be a solution. It’s usually a wasted effort that can have more consequences than you think. Don’t take that risk. Change yourself and accept others.

Images courtesy of Naoto Hattoru