Motherhood: How To Accept It And Not Despair

Motherhood is a unique experience that may make us grow and enjoy life. But it is also a roller coaster ride of emotions: happiness, exhaustion, changes and expectations. We must now learn to control these sensations. Motherhood can develop from something overwhelming to something really fulfilling, or it can become a stage in life in which we experience these two feelings simultaneously.

As we wait for the baby, we feel the changes that are coming and believe that we are prepared for them. But the truth is, we will be overwhelmed by events when the time comes. The arrival of the baby is a period of happiness and excitement. But apart from positive emotions, this period also brings with it a complete change in routines and priorities. The world as we knew it ceases to exist – and is replaced by a new one.

Feeling that this change is destabilizing our lives does not necessarily mean that we were ill-prepared. It just means that it is a process that tests us because of its size. As with any other process of so great importance, it will take us some time to adapt to the changes.

Fulfilling the role of a mother while maintaining inner balance seems impossible, especially in the first few months after the birth of a baby. However, it is possible. In fact, we need to find a balance in all areas of our lives in order to fully enjoy motherhood.

How we can deal with motherhood

There is no specific recipe for how best to grow into the role of mother. In fact, you could say that there are as many options as mothers. However, there are some general issues that we should keep in mind – especially when trying to control the frequency and intensity of those dreaded moments of fear and turmoil.

Let us not succumb to supposedly external constraints

Motherhood often brings pressure and the need to refute prejudice. These come from critics who seem to know exactly what is right and what is wrong, who would be a good or a bad mother. But that is absurd. The only person who can determine whether something is right or wrong is the pediatrician.

Let’s not focus on what society expects from a good mother. Let us concentrate on what it means for us individually to become a mother. We ourselves should define what makes a good mother. Because if we only rely on external criteria, it becomes difficult for us to feel good. Love is the foundation of motherhood, and true love is always natural. Let us therefore follow our own criteria and our intuition. Let us define what it means to be a mother and we will become the best mother to our child.

Shared responsibility

Fathers and mothers have different qualities, but are equally capable and competent in raising their children. Assuming that both parents want what is best for their little ones, why shouldn’t mothers delegate and fully trust their partner’s abilities?

In many cases, women take on the responsibility of raising children. Some mothers do not want the father to care too much about the care and upbringing of the child. This is unfair and quickly leads to frustration on both sides. 

Not sharing responsibility is wrong. Because the responsibility for caring for a baby shouldn’t be a single person’s responsibility when it comes to families with two parents. It is essential and healthy for everyone involved to share responsibility fairly.

Be assertive

Once our baby arrives, everyone around us seems like a supernanny. Many people tell us what to do and insist that we get things done one way or another. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen the baby for five or two hours, everyone thinks they know what’s best for them. Some even allow themselves to correct or criticize us.

That doesn’t stop for a long time, unless we set clear boundaries. And the earlier we set this, the better. The father and mother are the only ones responsible for the baby’s physical and mental well-being. Let’s find a respectful but clear way of dealing with unwanted advice. Let us protect our motherhood with respect and let us not allow disrespect in the form of advice or opinions from others.

Dealing with our guilt

Guilt is a feeling that new mothers can easily feel. The guilt of not being able to breastfeed, of taking the child to daycare, of being late when the baby is sick, of running out of time, of not understanding … all examples that can make us feel guilty.

Guilt can become a dead end for the mother. It is not constructive and never brings anything positive. Instead of feeling guilty, we should rather look for solutions and take responsibility. If we think we’ve made a mistake, we’ll try to do better next time. If what happened is beyond our control then we are not responsible and there is no point in feeling guilty. If we feel sad, irritable, or experience recurring feelings of depression, we may want to consider professional help.

Time for ourselves

Many believe that if you want to be a good mother, you have to be with your baby 24 hours a day. Often we do not give ourselves time alone because we do not think it necessary or because we feel that we cannot let someone else take care of the child. Successful motherhood also depends on whether we can keep our individuality. We don’t have to give up our careers, friendships, partners, or leisure activities. What we really need to learn is to organize our life and adapt it to the new challenges we face!

Whoever becomes a mother does not cease to be a person, and therefore we must not give up our individuality either. We must continue to take care of ourselves. We shouldn’t ignore all other aspects of our life. We also have to feel good in order to feel good as mothers. Because it is a fact that happy parents raise happy children. Don’t let us go! Although parenting is precious and important, our life consists of more than just motherhood.

Let’s not compare

Motherhood is generally referred to as something wonderful, a unique experience. It is certainly true. But we seldom hear that it is also a difficult phase in life in which a lot changes. We will sometimes feel that it is overwhelming us, that it is not what we expected, and that we cannot go on. This can lead to a negative spiral, especially when we think that other mothers would be much happier and better at fulfilling their roles than we are.

But our motherhood and our circumstances are unique so there is no comparison at all. To live motherhood the healthy way we just have to give our best. What other mothers do doesn’t make us better or worse. Motherhood is not a competition.

There are endless ways to be a good mother

There are as many different mothers as there are different ways of managing motherhood. That is why we should be guided by our own ideas and ideals. Let us allow ourselves the luxury of avoiding unnecessary pressure and let us enjoy our motherhood.

It’s important to understand that insecurities, doubts, and bad days are also part of motherhood and life. It is important that we admit to ourselves that not all emotions associated with such an intense experience are positive. In fact, it wouldn’t be natural if everything were just fine.

Motherhood is like a gem that we polish every day. Like our individuality. Before we became mothers, we were human. We should remember that we continue to be the central axis of our own lives, the foundation on which our children build their lives. In order to approach the task of motherhood in a healthy way, we must be generous to ourselves.