If You Learn To Ask For Something More Effectively, You Will Achieve More

Before you blow out the candles, make a wish! – This is a paradoxical example where we ask someone to ask for something. In this case, the flaming wick of a birthday candle is the epitome of the magic of wishes. More often, however, we encounter our everyday requests, which range from “Hand me the bread, please”  to “Please pick up the children today because I can’t make it”  .

In childhood we are taught by our parents   to say “please” when we ask and   to respond with a “thank you” if we are satisfied with the implementation of our request. But we ask even earlier, for example if we point the finger at the water bottle or the toy that we cannot get at.

This article deals with an action that is part of our everyday life, that we encounter in every area of ​​our life, that is taught to us from an early age, but that we usually do not approach correctly. If we do not ask for something effectively, the likely consequence is that we do not get what we seek, and for that reason alone it is worth learning to ask for effectively.

The circumstances of a request

What we hope for in response to a request is a promise. A promise that someone will grant our wish. Most of the requests are basically none by the moment we get an answer, which is not what we were aiming for.

But a request also expresses a need and thus shows a certain vulnerability. Because of this, many people do not want to ask for anything. They don’t want to find out where they consider themselves weak and where they need help. Instead, they prefer to try to find a way out of their situation on their own.

Apart from that, there are very interesting phenomena that can improve the acceptance of a request. One of these is the so-called foot-in-the-door technique. Anyone using this strategy aims to get someone else to comply with a request that they would actually refuse if they were formulated directly. For this reason he comes first with a small request, then with a larger one to the other, and so it goes on gradually until he makes his actual request:

“We’re not home today. Could you check out the house at noon and see if everything is okay? ”
“Naturally!”
“While you’re at it, would you mind going for a run with the dog?”
“Um, okay.”

Another type of persuasion technique is based on the reverse process. This time, whoever has a request starts by asking for something they know the other will not, and then making a much smaller request that is basically what they are interested in .

“Please clean the kitchen and vacuum your room before you go.”
“I can’t, I don’t have time for it.”
“Well, then at least go out with the dog before you go.”
“Yes, good.”

Before we deal with the four components of an effective request, we must first distinguish between it and a complaint. Many people evade a request by complaining. For example, instead of asking the boss for a better office chair, they openly complain that they don’t have a good office chair.

One of the most common reasons for preferring a complaint to a request is that we don’t feel vulnerable when we complain. Because when we ask, we are sometimes afraid that our counterpart will label us as weak. Or we think that our request will not be granted and that a complaint is the last chance to express our discomfort.

The four components of an effective request

Let us now turn to the components of an effective request. First of all, we should ascribe a subject to our request. The most effective request is not formulated with “I” or other subjects impersonal: “I would be grateful if you could approve me a more suitable office chair.”   In this way, learns the one who is asked about something, who they are and these Person remains in his mind. Also, it is easier to say no to an indefinite subject than to a specific one.

Second, the request should have a recipient. So not: “Could someone take care of this chair? And could someone take my shift tomorrow? ”   It would be better to say: “ Peter, can you please move to a new chair? ”   This is how we address our request to a specific person who simply has to feel addressed because they are direct is called. This aspect is also important for requests on a professional level. It is always better to find who will make a decision on our request and address it directly to that person rather than to the company as a whole.

Third, our request should include the time frame in which we would like an answer. This often happens with requests or inquiries that are sent by post. These are much more effective if we say specifically by when we hope to get an answer. It also makes it clear in the first place that we expect an answer.

The fourth part of an effective request is that it should be made clear. There is a difference between “I want you to behave well”   and “I want you to be calm during the ceremony and when it is over, say hello to your cousins” . With the first request, the child creates their own ideas about what it means to behave well, but they cannot know exactly what is expected of them. This is different in the second case. This is important in education as well as in adulthood and in every area of ​​life.

As we said before, we make requests every day, but most of the time we are not really good at it. Most of our requests are ambiguous and in some cases completely incomprehensible because they hide various fears, namely the fear of rejection, the fear of asking for too much or harassing others, or the fear of asking in return. And yet to a certain extent, apart from a request and thank you, nobody has taught us to formulate effective requests. I hope this article will help you with that!

I belong to the generation of “please”,
“thank you” and respect

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