How Do People With An Intellectual Disability Grieve?

Having a child with an intellectual disability affects the whole family. The bigger the child gets, the more necessary resources and any kind of support become. In most cases, families are willing to take care of anything that goes with a child with special needs. Today we are looking into the question: How do people with an intellectual disability grieve?

Every parent of a child with an intellectual disability has asked themselves the following questions: What happens if one day we are no longer here? How do people with disabilities deal with grief?

Stages and types of grief in people with intellectual disabilities

Most authors agree that the process of grieving happens in different stages. The process is the same for people with intellectual disabilities. It starts with the first impact and ends with either recovery or a chronic problem. We can divide this process into four phases:

• Initial impact : confusion, shock. The first symptoms are denial, disbelief, and panic.
• Anger and Guilt: Self-punishment, anger, trying to find someone to blame, and abandonment.
• The world is upside down , despair, retreat. Resistance to returning to normal life, feelings of weakness and a pronounced tendency towards isolation.
• Acceptance and Restoration: Hope Returns. Although there are certain dates such as anniversaries when the feeling of being in earlier stages of grief reigns, one can now face reality again because of the process that has already gone through.

There are two basic types of grief or ways to respond after a loss: normal and pathological. What differentiates these two basic types of grief is the intensity and duration of the symptoms and how much they affect your daily life.

Normal grief ends once one has reached and completed the final stage of the process. In this case, those affected are able to restore the emotional stability that supports them in coping with other problems. Pathological grief can appear in two ways:

• Complicated, unresolved grief : This occurs when you get stuck in one of the phases and either experience the loss very intensely or as if you were numb.
• Psychiatric grief: This is when the grief triggers certain symptoms that are consistent with a possible diagnosis of a psychiatric disorder.

How should we deal with grief in a person with an intellectual disability?

Some general guidelines on what to do and say when loss is imminent can help locate and channel all expressions of grief. However, it is important to know the personality traits and severity of intellectual disability.

After someone dies, you should be proactive and let them know of this bad news right away. Here are some additional guidelines and ways you can share messages:

• When and how should the message be communicated? While it is painful and difficult, it is best to do it in a simple and direct way. Speak clearly and make sure they understand you.

• It is good to get the person to speak and ask questions. Show interest and concern about what the person with the disability is feeling now. Don’t be afraid to name the person who died.
• It is helpful to clarify whether symptoms are related to grief or are gradually disappearing.
• Individual attention: note characteristics, history, reaction to other types of loss, etc. Think about what works and what doesn’t to approach the subject.
• Also, keep in mind that you can create photo albums and other keepsakes. It might be useful to create an album or memory box for the person to relive certain happy moments.
• In the event of the death of a close family member or friend, have them attend the memorial service as much as possible. It is important for them to feel involved and plan future events.

• Make sure the person with an intellectual disability sticks to their routines and daily activities as much as possible.

An uncertain future

One of the biggest worries for parents of children with intellectual disabilities is what will happen when one day they are gone. Who will take care of your child? Will they treat it well? Will it be alone

Of course, no one can really answer these questions as the future is uncertain. However, if parents are able to make difficult decisions beforehand, no one else needs to do it for them. This can help the loved one with an intellectual disability deal with grief in a less traumatic way.