Empathy Is Not The Same As Sympathy
We have all heard of empathy, and it has often been explained to us as “the ability to put yourself in the other person’s position.”
Even so , it usually doesn’t work well in practice. Even if we sometimes put ourselves in someone else’s position, in most cases we only do so because we agree with the other person, that is , we sympathize with them.
sympathy
So we can say that sympathy requires agreement, as does equal values. We sympathize with friends and with people with whom we share something in life and therefore it seems easy to us to “put ourselves in their position.”
However , it will not be easy for us to put ourselves in the position of someone with whom we have absolutely nothing in common. And that is exactly the weak point of this simplified definition of empathy.
What is empathy?
Empathy (or compassion) is a communicative attitude that allows us to respect all interpersonal actions, regardless of the person, whether we agree with them or not, whether we sympathize with them or not.
So we can define empathy as follows: As the ability to express respect for the position from which the other person is acting, whether we agree with them or not.
Not all empathy is the same as sympathy
Empathy demands respect for the other person, and our personal situation and opinion do not matter, they can just as easily be in contrast to that of the other person. Otherwise, if the opinions or situations match, we sympathize with our counterpart.
How do you use empathy?
We empathize with people who are different from us if we respect their position. To do this , we express compassion for our counterpart by showing understanding for his situation, because we observe the position from which he speaks to us, and we do not judge him for it. Some examples to express empathy could be the following sentences: “I understand that what you tell me is important to you”, “I understand that this injustice makes you angry.”
When should we express our personal opinion?
In order to show empathy, it is not necessary to express our own opinion on the subject; after all , empathy requires listening, observation and respect for the other person’s situation.
Of course, there are other ways of expressing our opinion and showing respect, for example through reassuring and appropriate communication.
Other confusions
Sometimes we believe in our everyday life that we are empathetic when in reality we just want to get on well with the other person , want to “please” the other person in order to get their approval. However, this is not about compassion, we try to sympathize in order to receive something in return, namely their appreciation. And that’s not empathy.
In other cases , we simply agree with and show sympathy for the other person.
What does “respect” mean?
Respect demands knowledge and empathy. Because we have to know and observe the other person in order to be able to show them our respect in their situation.
Respect presupposes that we all have the right to choose how we want to live, think, act and feel without our being judged for it. We respect other people’s choices about their own lives.
If we respect, we understand from which position the other is speaking, according to their own values. That means we show empathy for his situation without having to put ourselves in the shoes of it, because our values can also be completely different. We understand each other’s situation, we respect them and we express our compassion.
We may not share his values, and yet we show empathy towards the other person if we respect their position without wanting to change them.
This is why empathy is a wonderful tool for interpersonal relationships, especially in professional relationships and those in which there are particular differences.
