Resolving Conflicts With Assertiveness: 4 Techniques

In many situations, communication does not go as we would like it to. As a result, misunderstandings and conflict are not uncommon and can affect our relationships and cause frustration. In this context, techniques in which you apply your assertiveness are very useful. We’re talking about simple procedures that will help protect your own rights while not interfering with those of other people.

Eventually, when you learn and practice these simple techniques, they will become part of your repertoire of natural responses. In the beginning, it is very possible that they will feel wrong at first, but these sensations will subside as you practice the techniques.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertive communication is a style of communication that enables an individual to express their wants, needs, and opinions without hurting or offending the listener.

This concept is easier to understand when we consider these three basic types of communication:

• Passive. In this case, the individual is unable to express his or her opinion or defend his or her rights. They don’t tend to disagree because they fear confrontation. Their need to please often leads them to feel manipulated or misunderstood by other people.
• Aggressive. At the other end of the spectrum are people who communicate authoritatively and show no interest in another point of view. They try to enforce their criteria and tend to use means such as intimidation, accusation or anger.
• Assertive. This style of communication is best because it is characterized by the ability to disagree and express opinions while respecting others’ points of view. People with good self-esteem tend to use this style of communication. Assertive communication is satisfactory for everyone involved.

Solve conflicts with assertiveness

Assertiveness is not an abstract concept. Because you can put it into practice in your own relationships with others. You should use a basic sequence when approaching a potential conflict:

• Start by giving specific facts instead of generalities. Instead of saying, “You never hang out with me again,” try saying, ” We’ve only seen each other twice in the past few weeks. “
• Express how you feel about this situation instead of blaming or labeling the other person. It is better to say, ” This makes me sad ” than ” You are selfish “.

• Make a specific suggestion. For example: “ I want us to choose a day of the week to see each other ”.
• Explain how this plan would improve the situation. For example: ” That way we would have more time together and not argue so much “.

1. Broken Record Technique

With this technique, your confirmation is repeated over and over in a calm, collected voice.

2. The technique of fogging

You can use this technique when the other person is criticizing you or offering advice to manipulate you.

In this case, the technique is to accept that what the other person is saying is partially true, but you hold the final decision in your hands:

3. Show your assertiveness by using the consent technique

In this situation, you accept what you did wrong without getting a label. In other words, you reject the label the other person puts on you, but you accept your mistake.

4. Practice your assertiveness by ignoring the point of contention

You can use this last technique when the other person is overly upset or angry. The reason for the argument is ignored.

These are some examples of the different techniques that are out there that you can use to practice your assertiveness in your daily life.

As you can see, the key is to keep your voice calm, steady, and respectful. Because you want to avoid getting upset while defending your point of view at the same time. With practice, assertiveness can become your most valuable tool in good communication.