Before I Love You, I Love Myself

I want to tell you that before I give myself up to you, I have to give myself up to myself. I have to get to know all my edges and angles and explore the darkest corners of my soul. I want to know every single one of my secrets, what is good and what is bad for me, and better to find out why. I am one of those people who thinks that before I love you I need to know how to say that I love myself in order to be fair to others.

I need to know what my wounds are and if at any given time they will start bleeding again. I need to know my strengths and what defines me, what footprint I will leave and what my strengths are so that I can pass all of this on to you with a smile at the right time. I prefer to love myself first so that I can love you in a healthy and correct way. And if you still have doubts, then don’t worry, when you get to the end of this letter, then you will understand everything I am saying.

When I didn’t know how to love yourself

I realized the importance of self-love when I realized that I had forgotten how to love yourself. Right at the time when I was feeling the worst and just focused on begging for love from others so that I could feel good about myself. My well-being depended on the recognition of others and how they behaved towards me. If they decided to appreciate and flatter me, I thought I would be happy. But when they criticized and rejected me, I saw myself as a failure. Without knowing it, I gave the key to my well-being to whomever and forgot about myself.

As a result, I ended up being a person who loved other people but who was a stranger to himself. I didn’t even know what I liked, where I was going or what my dreams were because everyone else was telling me that. I denied myself the opportunity to meet myself when in reality I didn’t even know it was possible.

One day I exploded all to myself, but I did. At first I didn’t know what was happening to me, I just felt unhappy and cried, but over time I realized that it was myself who was calling for help. From that point on, it was clear to me that I couldn’t stay half a person no matter what others thought of me. I had grown tired of being the one helping others feel better, and I was beginning to discover myself little by little. I started learning how to love yourself.

I love myself for who I am, not perfect, but authentic

Suddenly I was aware that I could be more independent than I had imagined, that my opinion was also valid and that I had beautiful eyes. I loved the fact that I suddenly noticed how I could act without the others giving me their consent. Although it took a lot of effort at first.

I liked myself, I wondered how I was doing, and when the clouds came up I made plans for when the sun would come out again. I no longer needed the others to tell myself what I was worth, because I was able to see it myself in my own way. If they criticized me for anything, or if I didn’t know how to do something, it didn’t make me doubt myself.

I also learned to love my weaknesses and to try to overcome them while appreciating my successes and abilities. During this process, I dropped the obsessive thought that I had to be perfect in order to please everyone. Today I love my mistakes, otherwise it would be like amputating part of myself.

I want to be authentic in front of you and not pretend to be someone I am not.

I love myself to avoid having to save me

You are probably wondering what my self-love has to do with being able to love you. But you have to know what I’m telling you here, because that’s the only way you will understand what my relationship with you could have been like if I didn’t appreciate myself.

If I didn’t love myself then I would put my weight on your shoulders to remind myself of who I am and you would have to constantly dispel my doubts about your love and lack of trust. You would be responsible for how I feel, or at least how I see things, and you would have to act accordingly. You would have to save me every time my insecurities exposed and I questioned my worth.

It would not be healthy love, but rather an attempt to heal my wounds. When I say this, I am not saying that you shouldn’t give me your warmth when I feel bad or that you shouldn’t offer me your arms for refuge. But you are not responsible for reminding me who I am and how much I am worth every day so that I can feel good about myself. This is my task.

I refuse to be the one to pay for the ghosts of my past. For this reason, I need time to love myself, to identify my fears and vulnerabilities, and not to drag them into our relationship where they would harm us. Because you don’t have to save me from my emptiness, you are not my savior.

I love myself so that I can give you my best and so that I don’t blame you for my problems. I love myself because my goal is to grow with you.

I would like to share my path in life with you and the basis for this should be trust and understanding in order to be able to build a love that is free of needs and that continues to grow. Because of this, I love myself before I love you. Because I don’t want to lose myself in a relationship, I want to lose myself with you.