The Art Of Growing Up

The art of growing up requires courage and responsible behavior from ourselves and others. Becoming a healthy adult is not an easy task, especially when we think about how the society in which we grow up is built. On the other hand, the path to our physical and emotional maturity is also marked by what we experienced in our childhood and what bonds we had with our parents.

Physiological age and social age do not always match each other. But why is that so? Why do we often find it so difficult to mature?

Why do we sometimes not want to mature?

Why do some people find it so difficult to mature? We have many reasons to indulge in eternal youth (known as “Peter Pan Syndrome”). First, society wants us to stay perfect and beautiful forever and to keep a youthful spirit.

Second, the emotional wounds of our childhood sometimes mean that we carry unresolved conflicts around with us and still find a wounded child in us who is resisting growing up: in essence, he is almost okay with continuing childhood when he does cannot emerge from it without deep wounds. We must not forget that we prefer to be in our comfort zone rather than having to explore unfamiliar areas.

What are the characteristics of an adult who cannot mature?

There are several characteristics that mark an adult who does not want to mature. The main features are:

• He has needs that were unsatisfied in childhood and that he is now trying to make up for in the present.
• He exaggerates with his needs. The satisfaction of these becomes an obsession or an addiction.
• He feels guilty and may show it through his behavior, words, and feelings.
• He represses his feelings until he has so many emotions accumulated that he can no longer control them and he explodes.
• He hides the wounds of abandonment and rejection he experienced in childhood.
• He needs to constantly fill his emptiness with something new and can be very dependent on others. But independence is also possible, although behind this there is only the need to be recognized and seen.

• He can give a lot, but he usually expects something in return.

Feelings of guilt keep us from maturing

Think of a child whose parents are just separating. In this situation, it is easy for the child to develop certain behavior in order to avoid the breakup of the family, and if he fails to do so, he or she takes on some of the responsibility for that separation. A responsibility that for failure to prevent the rupture turns into guilt and becomes a burden that should not be his and that can affect his development.

The injured child lives in an adult body and is trapped in time. We have to note that its age is not important, regardless of whether it is 25, 40 or 60 years old. This guilt usually weighs very heavily on the person who has little emotional maturity but looks like an adult.

The child feels an unhealthy guilt that makes them think that they are responsible for everything that happens around them. This burden felt by the child is not real, although it is experienced as true. If we cannot handle our guilt in the process of growing up, we will have great problems fulfilling our day-to-day responsibilities.

What is the way to reach emotional maturity?

To achieve emotional maturity, we need to face guilt rather than avoiding it. Dealing with feelings of guilt will be the most important piece of the puzzle in order to further mature the connection we have with our feelings, both about our own feelings and those of others.

In order to be able to digest this guilt, it is necessary to experience the child’s pain, not to avoid the pain, but to perceive it and to process it as a whole and in a conscious form. When we’ve left our past behind and shed our heavy backpacks, guilt becomes a healthy responsibility that drives us to mature.

“Trust comes with maturity by accepting yourself.”

Nicole Scherzinger

The courage to be an adult

The art of growing up healthy is not just about taking on different roles in life (employee, partner, child, etc.), it also means a lot more. We have to face the unknown, find our own identity that is different from that of our parents and our partner. We need to lower our expectations and start taking care of our own business.

If we value ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, the experience will bring us to adulthood. What gives us wings to be adults is the freedom to consciously experience our present and to accept and take the circumstances just as they come.

Some of the secrets to becoming an independent adult are: stop seeing yourself as the victim, avoid constant discomfort and leave the past behind. Only when we are courageous and let the unknown enter our lives will we be able to be masters of our own lives.

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