Which Rights Do You Give Up If You Are Not Confident?

Assertiveness is a social skill that people sometimes voluntarily give up in order to avoid conflict. Other people do this because they don’t like to be assertive. In general, people value assertiveness as long as they are children, but as they grow up they find it difficult to defend their own rights. However, assertiveness is necessary if we want to participate in this world without being constantly hurt. Otherwise we become victims of other people, whom we cannot delete from our lives, even if this were necessary for our well-being.

In this post we are going to list some basic rights that you can defend by being self-determined. If you don’t, other people will restrict your basic rights – because you allow them to.

The right to be your own judge

You have the right to form your own opinion and to defend it. Other people shouldn’t judge you or intimidate you in order to influence your opinion-making. You should be able to develop your own views and judgments independently of public opinion.

This right means that you can have your own consistent opinions and articulate your own belief system. If you are defending the right to judge who you are and what you do, you can do so on the basis of your own beliefs and do not have to act by others. It also follows that contradictions between what you believe and what you do can make you uncomfortable if you cannot resolve them. An example of this are people who know that smoking is harmful to health, but consume or even sell cigarettes. You have to decide for yourself what standards you will set and how high you will set the bar.

According to Smith, the following thought patterns can sabotage this right:

• “If I cannot convince others that my goals are worth pursuing, then I am wrong or my wishes are unacceptable.”
• “We have to keep our opinion to ourselves. Our mission is to listen and learn. “

The right to choose what you are responsible for

One of the tasks for which you are responsible is taking care of yourself and your children if you have children. You may or may not take on all other tasks according to your own criteria, and no one should judge you for it. You can help your work colleague if you see they are struggling, but you are not required to do so unless it is part of your job responsibilities or you promised beforehand. You signed or made both the employment contract and the promise of your own free will.

You have the right to put your own interests above those of others. If you don’t, while you deserve credit for giving priority to someone else when you don’t have to, you are missing out on perhaps your most important duty of self-care.

Some people know how to deny others this right. Think, for example, of children who keep leaving their room messy, knowing full well that their mother will tidy it up afterwards. Or think of this work colleague who asks someone else for help and then blames them for all mistakes.

The right to refrain from declarations

This right is most often violated in romantic relationships. People tell others what they would like to hear in order to silence them, or because they are afraid to make them angry, because they assume they are obliged to explain themselves.

Explanations are a favor that you may or may not give. Nobody needs to know what, how and why you are doing something. If people as defendants are allowed to exercise the right to refuse to testify in the courtroom, why not give ourselves that right before any other type of judgment?

There are certain situations that cause people to ask for an explanation. For example, jealous people often ask for explanations because they are unsure of the relationship. But you need to know that you are under no obligation to give in, even if a harmless question turns into an aggressive demand. You have the power to choose what to share with others. This is very nice because it allows you to manage your privacy and decide who to trust with what.

Other rights that you can defend by being self-determined

So far we have described some of the most important rights that you can defend with your assertiveness. Here is a brief overview of some other important rights:

• The right to change your mind
• The right to be imperfect and to make mistakes
• The right to say, “I don’t know.”
• The right to do things without the consent of others
• The right to choose options that are not logical, consistent, or popular
• The right not to understand or meet other people’s expectations

There are people who will be tempted to violate these rights consciously or unconsciously. However, it is up to you to respectfully enforce yourself and defend your rights.