What Happens In The Heart Of A Child Who Is Not Loved?

Almost no parent is willing to admit that they don’t love their child. Unfortunately, this happens more often than it should be. We only have to look at a child and immediately we can see those indelible traces of lack of affection – we see that they are not loved. The difference between a little fellow who is accepted and loved and a child who is not loved is enormous.

There are many reasons for this lack of love. One of the main reasons is probably that the decision to have children was not a conscious and carefully considered wish. There was no place in the heart for this child and therefore it was impossible to make a place for him.

When a child is not loved, they develop behaviors and expressions that manifest their forlornness and discomfort. It does not understand what is happening by itself, especially when it is very small. A child who is not loved sees the world as a place full of threats, feels alone, and would do anything to change that.

The situation becomes more complicated when parents are reluctant to consciously admit that they have an aversion to the child. In these cases, they cite numerous seemingly rational reasons to justify the reluctance or abuse. Basically, they say that any aggression or indifference is only for the child’s best interests. Because of this, at some point the child becomes confused and believes that it is they who are acting in a reprehensible manner.

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Tom Robbins

About a child who is not loved and feelings of guilt

There is the mother who yells at her child and tells him that she is upset or that it is unbearable. Many of the mothers who say this are obviously upset. But it is also true that many of them were already very stressed before they began to interact with the child.

Something similar happens when the child demands something to which they cannot react, be it because there are many demands, they have been made incorrectly, or they have more skills than their level of development. They may be constantly silent or alert for a long time, or they may set the table like an adult. In these cases, it is the parents themselves, with their lack of imagination, who create their own frustration, and what is worse, they are the ones who make the child feel frustrated and useless.

A child who is not loved thinks that almost anything they do upsets their parents. And that nothing it does is enough for them to finally accept it. Since they are unable to objectively assess this situation, they develop strong feelings of guilt. It will develop a negative self-perception and a learned helplessness: It has the feeling that no matter what it does, the result is always the same and therefore uncontrollable.

What traces a lack of love leaves

If a child is not loved, it breaks their heart. Since it cannot understand or express the suffering felt, it manifests it in an indirect way. It develops behaviors or thoughts whose function is to escape the fear and pain within.

Some of the behaviors of an unloved child are as follows:

• It develops fears and phobias, such as fear of the dark, certain objects, animals or certain situations.
• It gets very impulsive. Anger, crying, laughing and emotions cannot be held back. His emotional expressions are always a little exaggerated.
• It’s unstable. Today it wants one thing and tomorrow another. His behavior can also change from one moment to the next. This is typical for children, but it is more pronounced in children who feel they are not loved.
• They develop anxious behaviors, such as being unable to remain calm, asking themselves questions all the time, or any other type of repetitive behavior.
• He has difficulty concentrating, keeping his attention on something for long periods of time, and usually struggles at school.

• It wants to make itself invisible, at least that’s what it tries to do. It’s there, but it doesn’t seem like it’s actually there. It tries to hide, to entrench itself, to simply not exist.
• It has poorly developed social skills. They feel uncomfortable or very restless when they are with other children or adults.

A child who is not loved, who is not given affection, loses trust. It shows signs of confusion and uncertainty. Sometimes these children are naughty and other times very stiff and formal for their age. In general, however, we perceive them as sad, submissive, and fearful due to rejection.

Humans need loving touch, hugs and kind words all their lives. Especially in the first few years of life, these expressions of affection are the necessary emotional nourishment for growth: They are a basic need like eating or sleeping. No mother, no father is perfect. But as soon as you have a child, we all agree that you have to make an effort so that it feels loved and welcomed in the family in which it grows up.