5 Things We Learn From An Unexpected Breakup

The end of a relationship is a painful experience, especially if one of them still loves the other. Almost everything that is full of love brings joy, but also sorrow. Those are the two sides of the coin – an inseparable unit that can tear us to pieces deep inside us if we don’t know how to deal with it properly.

However, there are people who are able to let go of irrational beliefs about love, relationships, and affective ties that society has given us bit by bit. For these people, love does not have to cause suffering. The Buddha used to say that ignorance is the source of all psychological suffering.

Likewise, many thinkers and spiritual leaders have reflected and explored the importance of an appropriate mindset in order not to feel bad. And that includes relationships. Are we ignorant of love? Maybe we are, although I don’t want to totally agree. The fact is, however, that we should learn to better deal with everything related to love and relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at that.

Suffer for love

The truth is that we suffer too much for love. Even those who boast of having a perfect relationship with their partner sometimes harbor doubts deep down inside them. Uncertainties. They too are sometimes a little afraid of what the future holds for their relationship.

Everyone has suffered at some point because they were with the wrong person, because their relationship deteriorated, or because their relationship ended unexpectedly. Nothing is as sensitive as love. Nothing is so adorable and gives so much energy. Some people think that their life is less worth living or that they would not really live if they had to give up love. This is basically not wrong, but should be viewed in the long term.

If the relationship ends unexpectedly, our life plans suddenly become a long way off. We feel like we can’t take it. Our despair and disbelief take our breath away. We are perplexed and paralyzed. The feeling of emptiness is unbearable.

Should we be more rational about love?

Many believe that love is not something that can be understood, but must be felt and enjoyed, and that romantic love does not follow any logic. In my opinion that is not true. A sentimental and naive attitude on this subject is dangerous.

One of the main reasons that we suffer for love is precisely the irrational and unrealistic beliefs that we have adopted about love. A wrong image of love is one of the main factors that cause us to suffer in relationships.

So should we be more rational about love? Yes we should. Not too much, just as much as is necessary in order not to “poison” us. We should not only enjoy love, but let it become part of our value system and our beliefs. And we have to rethink and regulate those beliefs in order to clean up our value system. We need to teach ourselves how to fly instead of clipping our wings.

What we learn from an unexpected end of a relationship

When we understand love and its logic, we can also understand why love sometimes comes to an end. The latter can happen for a variety of reasons. If we see the evil coming, we may be better prepared for a breakup. But what if the relationship ends unexpectedly?

This can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences in a person’s life. But we can learn something from everything. From an unexpected end of a relationship, we can gain valuable insights through which we can grow, such as these:

Nothing is forever

That is a law of life. Everything that has a beginning has an end. Some things end sooner, others later, but it all ends one day. Couples can break up due to a lack of interest in the other, divergent goals, or communication problems. There are married couples who are together for life, of course. But if one of the two dies, this idyll ends too. And unfortunately that is inevitable.

We cannot control everything

There are people who want to control everything in their partnership. They think that if they are vigilant enough they can prevent a possible breakup. But that is a wrong assumption. There are certain things that we cannot change, even if we try to do so with all our might. If our partner wants to leave us, he will too, no matter what we do.

We can also live without a partner

Life without a partner is just as possible as life with a partner. Both options are worth living. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. We all know the benefits of having a partner. However, living without a partner does not mean giving up love as such.

There are many other ways to live love. Our well-being shouldn’t depend on another person.

Life is unpredictable (or at least not as predictable as we’d like it to be)

This thought is directly related to the concept of control. When we experience an unexpected relationship end, we realize that life is unpredictable. We can and must make plans for the future, but we must also leave room for improvisation and unforeseen events.

Nothing is as bad as we imagine

It is good when we learn to put things into perspective. Is an unexpected relationship ending terrible? How many terrible things do we think can happen to us? It’s not terrible that our partner is leaving us. It’s terrible to have an incurable disease. A world war, a tragic accidental death of someone we loved so much, all of this is terrible.

Perhaps we imagine that our life would become meaningless if our partner broke up with us. That we would not be able to continue our existence. That we would sink into a bottomless hole. And that may seem like that to us at the beginning. But gradually the situation will normalize and we will get over it.